


we were just kids

by gloomyqueliot



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: 4x12 spoilers, F/M, Platonic Relationships, Working shit out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 08:53:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18427199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gloomyqueliot/pseuds/gloomyqueliot
Summary: A different take on the Q/A scene in 4x12 because of that really shouldn’t have happened.





	we were just kids

And then it’s just him and Alice. _Alice_ , he thinks. The name that only a few short weeks ago made his teeth clench and bones itch. The name that only a few short years ago made his heart skip and eyes light up.

 

But a name was just a name. The Alice in front of him wasn’t the Alice he fell in love with, and he definitely wasn’t the same Quentin she’d fallen for. It’d be so nice to pretend, though, wouldn’t it?

 

Quentin watched as she sat across the counter from him, fiddling anxiously with her rings. She moved her fingers just so, and for a moment Quentin could see the limbs of a tiny, glass horse rise up at her command. How envious he was, of a Quentin who had thought that that was the most magical thing he would ever see. That she was the most magical girl to ever exist.

 

And maybe she was. Alice had always been too big to contain She could never- would never- be held down. Not by her family, not by Brakebills. And certainly not by Quentin. Niffin Alice had made that more than clear.

 

“Alice-”

“Q-”

 

They cut each other off, Alice letting out the slightest breath of a laugh and looking up at Quentin expectantly. Your turn, her gaze signals. He takes in a breath, wringing his hands to stop them from tugging at his hair. He’s looking at the ground as he walks, but makes his way to the stool next to Alice and sits down.

 

“So, when we first met, I was clinging onto some naive, idealistic notions of what the world should be. And how people should be.” He lifts his gaze as he speaks, and almost regrets it. Alice’s eyes burn holes into his and it’s like staring into the sun, but he can’t look away. “And I think that I’ve realized, if I just throw away all that childish bullshit, I can forgive people, for not living up to my stupid expectations.”

 

“Like yourself,” Alice blurts out, and he breaths out the lost momentum of his speech because she couldn’t be more right. But this isn’t about himself.

 

“Like _you_.” Alice’s eyes shine with tears and he’s sure his look just the same. Because he never thought he’d be here again, mending what’d he had- they had- broken into so many pieces. His newly found discipline silently mocks him.

 

“Look, we’re both fucked up. God, Alice, are we ever fucked up, and I’m just trying to find a way to..., I don’t know, live with it?” Alice bites her lip while Quentin regards her, the silence allowing him to scramble for more words.

 

“What I’m saying is...I want to trust you again. I think I need to, at this point. Because we can’t do this shit without you, and I...I miss having you around. Not like before- I...We’re not...we can’t...” He trails off at the last part, trying so hard not to drop his gaze to the floor. Alice nods at every word, waiting until he’s done before speaking up.

 

“I never thought I could feel normal again...I-I don’t even know what normal means anymore, but-” her hands shake and she clasps them together in her lap to still them, “being here is the closest I think I’ll get. And I know we’re not-” Quentin’s eyes lock with hers and they almost don’t need words, “we’re not those people anymore. We can’t ever be, and I’m not trying to be. We were a mess, Q,” she lets out a tired laugh of recollection and Quentin adds a small smile. “Nothing in my life has never not been a mess; think I’m pretty used to it. So, whatever it is we can salvage from this, I’ll take it. _I want you to trust me too_.” Alice removes a hand from her lap and reaches out to grab Quentin’s. He lets her.

 

The air feels different than before, the nervous tension having dissipated into equal parts nostalgia and regret. A mutual realization that perfection was never in the cards for them, but all in all they’d been dealt a pretty fair hand now. When Alice leans over and wraps her arms around Quentin’s shoulders, he isn’t bombarded with memories of white paint and knotted ropes. Of cold, blue light and stark white uniforms. He isn’t holding his magical, fragile Alice anymore. He holds one of the strongest women he’ll ever know, and the one he feels luckiest to have fallen down the rabbit hole with.

**Author's Note:**

> I really thought they were gonna do something good with this scene, and then he really went out and asked for another shot. I loved qualice in s1, because I was enamoured with quentin coldwater (and still am???) and i could live vicariously through alice, but their love is so problematic. they deserve each other because of what they've been through together, but not like this. anyway if u wanna hear me scream about the magicians all day then come yell at me on twitter @questinq


End file.
